BY: IFEDAMOLA JOSEPH FAYOMI
In many societies, especially across Africa, this is not even seen as a question. It is often treated as a duty, an unquestionable responsibility, and a moral obligation.
Parents raise their children with sacrifice, love, sleepless nights, and years of provision.
Naturally, many believe that when those parents grow old, the children should return that care.
But is it really that simple? Should caring for parents be a duty, a choice, or a shared responsibility built on love and mutual respect?
This conversation deserves honesty, because while the answer may seem obvious, the reality is often far more complex.
Parenthood comes with sacrifice
No one can deny the weight of parenthood.
Parents carry burdens children may never fully understand. They work long hours, skip personal comforts, make painful sacrifices, and often put their own dreams on hold just to ensure their children have better opportunities.
They pay school fees.
They provide shelter.
They protect.
They guide.
They pray.
They endure.
For many parents, their entire lives revolve around giving their children a better future.
Because of this, many people strongly believe that children owe their parents care in return. And honestly, there is truth in that.
Gratitude matters.
Respect matters.
Honour matters.
A child should not forget the hands that held them when they could not stand.
Taking care of parents is a beautiful responsibility
There is nothing wrong with children supporting their parents.
In fact, it is beautiful. Helping your parents when they are older, financially, emotionally, physically, or even just through your presence, is one of the purest forms of gratitude. It reflects character, love, and maturity.
Sometimes, what parents need is not money.
Sometimes they need companionship.
Sometimes they need medical support.
Sometimes they simply need to know they are not forgotten.
Care is not always financial.
It is emotional.
It is relational.
It is human.
Children who genuinely care for their parents help preserve dignity in old age.
That is honourable.
But care should not become a lifetime debt
Here is where the conversation becomes difficult.
While children should care for their parents, that care should not feel like repayment for being born.
A child did not ask to be brought into the world.
Parenting is a responsibility parents choose, not a loan children must repay with interest.
When parents say things like:
“After all I suffered for you…”
“You must take care of me because I trained you…”
“You are my pension plan…”
…it turns love into a transaction.
That creates pressure instead of connection.
Children should care for parents because of love, not because of emotional manipulation or guilt.
Support given under pressure often breeds resentment.
Support given from love builds stronger families.